"i am a treasure chest filled with trash."

i feel numb. maybe from the cold, maybe from the cold shoulder. who knows?

curling up inside of myself never sounded like such a good idea. aren't you glad that i thought of it? i thought so.
walking outside of my body for a little while. i'll probably be someplace warmer, or possibly someplace colder. i don't know yet, i'll send you a fucking postcard once i get there and figure myself out. so sorry if you're not satisfied with me lately, i've been mia for a while now.

take your "best friends" and "i love you"s and shove them in my face. i get it.
but honestly, i find myself wondering if you get it lately. and i don't think you do. well here it is, so open your eyes and your mind as it will only come around this once. you were the reason that i slept in the rain last night. not him, not anyone else. you. and i just wish that for once you could see that i'm not happy, that i'm not going to be alright. you're hurting me.
and the saddest part is that you don't even know. you'll probably read this and have no clue what i'm talking about. well open your fucking eyes. it's all right there in front of you.
"don't you dare tell me about true fucking love."

"when they rip the tickets i hope i'm on the ride with you. sleepless in seattle and pretty much everywhere else- won't bore you with the details, but actually i probably will. you don't have to be a train to come off track. don't have to have feathers to flee the coop...we're flypaper baby- but nothings sticks. molded from teflon and porcelain. doesn't take much shining around for you to want to get back under that rock you crawled out from. i found a point when i was searching for pointlessness...you only think i'm blooming when i'm wilting on the outside. dying to be dearly forgotten, not wrongly remembered."
"i want love in handcuffs. i want more scars. i dont want this fucking future. meth bake sales to lower global warming. sweat shop work to burn calories. i hope this ship burns before it sinks. i hope this plane's air goes bad before it crashes. i don't want this to be an affair anymore, i want to walk down the aisle with catastrophe. lets go to hell just for the weekend. your happiness is making me miserable. waste the time of my life...please don't put me back together, keep me in a box under your bed."
strangely intrigued with opening up to strangers and not letting the ones closest to me in. don't blame me-you're the one who thought you'd actually mean something to me. now that you think you don't, what exactly are you going to do about it? don't tell me that you'd be so naive as to actually believe anything i ever said.
"i won't make the same mistakes." well i sure as hell hope you won't-i hope you learned from them like i never will. but i for one cannot make any promises. i know too well that i'll just end up breaking them anyways.

i know you are trying so desperately to understand this. and it really makes me laugh that i know how to get to you in the worst way. have you ever thought that i was only your friend because you were my enemy first?
a new spin on the whole "life" thing. as well as "friendship".
finding a way has always been my weak point.
why couldn't you just tell me to do something stupid like pretending to know what i'm doing? we all know how good i am at that.

i know you're sick of me, but i really don't give a flying fuck.