sometimes, i don't want to be saved.
i want to stay this way
i want to be messed up and a mystery
i want to seem sad and unapproachable

it's too goddamned hot.
i can't think. i can barely breathe. i need to take another fucking shower.
the head is melting my brain and my will to go on
with my homework, with my useless existence.
with you.
this whole "who said what" thing is getting really fucking old.
it's time for you guys to stop hiding in the fucking anonymity and come out. i don't care what you say, just have the guts to say it to my fucking face.

i had the greatest line earlier.
too bad i forgot it.

living life between the lines.
have i ever stopped to think that maybe living on the line would be so much more fun?
lately, i've been thinking less about academics and more about what i really want to do.
it may be irrational and totally and utterly childish and stupid, but i know now that i cannot have any other job. i will never be satisfied with a boring life. i need the excitement. i need the unpredictability.
i need to do something for me for once, and not just try to make everyone else happy.
this is about the most selfish i have ever felt. and this the best i've felt about myself in a long time. it might be strange that i also want to cry now. because i feel like i'm being horrible for wanting to let everyone down.
so much potential. too bad it's going to be wasted on something as trivial as the only thing i've ever wanted for myself.

"i miss you." what a load of fucking bullshit.
if you missed me, you never would've given up our friendship just because it didn't evolve into something more like you imagined that it would.
so what? your stupid plan blew up in your face, and now you think it's alright to blow me off, and then come crawling back to me and pretend that we're still friends?
fuck off, i don't really care anymore. well i actually do, but i'm trying not to.
just because you think it's fun to mess with our lives doesn't mean that i agree. you can do whatever you want with yourself, just leave me alone.

"we all deserve to die"

it's too quiet in this house
we don't even try to hide it
but we need you back around
we need someone to fight the silence
we are nothing without you here
so please come home

i am so naive to think that you actually give a damn about me
you're leaving and you're never looking back
i'm just the kid you'd hang out with sometimes
and i never really got that until now

maybe this is just my pessimistic nature,
because i know i'll always see you around
but still.
it feels like it'll be an eternity without you.