and you really should mean everything you say

it's like you have an on and off switch
and it's mostly set to the opposite of mine
it's like we rarely see eye to eye
when i'm on, you're off and vice versa
and i was really hoping we'd both be on again yesterday
but i guess i thought wrong
do you know how infuriating you are?
every second is spent trying to figure out if you're lying or if you're being sincere or not
and right about now, i'm trying to figure out if you really meant everything that i thought you did a week ago.
please just give me a clue
i'm not a good phone operator, and i'll never be with all these mixed signals you've been sending.

"these hands are tied to pages inked to bring you back"

this heart is just a timebomb waiting to explode from over/no use
maybe if you weren't so indescribably different, so wonderfully infuriating, i'd be ok again.
but then again, when was i ever ok in the first place?

i'm sick in the head and the physical sense.
my stuffy nose and scratchy throat are just metaphors for the way my heart is squeezed in a million different ways when i see you.
maybe this is my punishment for falling in love.
or maybe it's just punishment for changing my mind and my heart as often as i change my clothes.

would it complicate things if i loved you again?

there's no use crying over the broken moon

those childhood sayings were supposed to teach me morals, but i never understand anything i'm meant to learn. so why should then be any different?
i think it's kind of funny how you think i'm listening
it's funny how you laugh at the truth that spills from my lips
but you're almost too eager for me to lie to you

and when did words start making sense?
when did i ever tell you that i wanted you to break down my walls?
now that you've tried, i've got to fix them
and god knows how long that'll take
because my walls might be made of glass, but that makes it so much easier to replace.

in case you're illiterate when it comes to reading between the lines, i can replace you.
i just haven't yet.

not everything is black or white, wrong or right
there's always a little bit of grey area
sometimes all i want is to succeed
but what's the penalty if i don't?
school is a loaded gun.
it fills you up with a bunch of crap and then shoots you into "the real world" without so much as a moment's notice.
what is the real world anyways?
the one i'm living in right now feels pretty real to me
but maybe it's all pretend if i'm not in the real world yet
if "anything is possible", why do we say things are impossible?
maybe i don't want to live up to your expectations
god knows i haven't already
blue's leaving me clues that i can't read
i bet she and magenta are having a good laugh at me
maybe the stars of the show change, but we're all just one living tv show/movie

sometimes i wish i could live in the past
if i was andie, would you be my duckie or my blane?

an angel in the sand is as close as i'll ever get to being heavenly
and i only wish you would see
i'm not all you've cracked me up to be

"i don't think i'll make it on my own..."

i miss the old days.
kindergarten queen and king for the rest of our days
you may not remember me, but i still remember you
scooby doo, where are you?
someone has my memories, and i'd like them back
staying home and watching cartoons all day
singing and playing and nap time and recess
being nice and taking all the chances that i could get
back to when the cookie-bears made me the coolest in school
and when anything could be fixed with a kiss and a kind word. (they still can, but not coming from just anyone anymore)
kindergarten best friends to two kids in different cities.
before the hoods and music came up and the niceness toned down
i've been a naughty girl for eternity, but no one knew until now
i'm kind of glad you haven't seen me since, but part of me wants to see you again before i go.

if we're playing russian roulette, i'm between wishing for the bullet and wishing for the one right next to it.
the clouds of heaven seem so nice compared to the fiery abyss of life
between faithfulness and not giving one about whatever they may say, just wanting to find something that works for me.
i'm still aggravated by the fact that no one can seem to read me.
but who ever truly gets anyone else anyways?
i think i'd put 7 bullets in the russian roulette if i someone knew me better than i knew myself.

i've figured it out:we only like hurting this much because it's so much easier to feel pain than to feel nothing. and we only hide it because no one else can accept that fact.
everyone needs a little bit of pain in their life for them to be truly happy.
everyone is willing to sacrifice something big for something not so important.
i don't know about you, but i'd rather get/give everything or nothing at all. take it or leave it. i can't give anything more, and i won't settle for anything less. i'm too stubborn to be cut out for all you say that i am, and i wish you wouldn't push everything you want onto me.
it's so much easier to be blissfully ignorant than to know everything, and yet we still want all the details on everything.
what's steve gonna do when blue doesn't want him to have all the clues?
what does superman do if lois lane doesn't want to be saved?

it's all a game of this or that, but i'd really much rather have both.

"i'm only happy when it rains."

the rain beats down on me and (f)lies into my eyes. it's cold and i thought it might help me to push you away, but you just keep coming back like a punching bag with a grudge.
let the rain bully me like you have all week.
do you really think that this is making me love you again?
i've been reading too much and taking it to literally.
i've been hiding out under my hood and behind my mask of apathy to see who actually cracks the code first. i'm only hiding to see who'll come to seek. and you haven't proven that you can actually see into me yet, so what makes you think you're so special.
i blue away the rain and hoped it would fall around me, that i could be out of the mis(t)ery for once. but nothing ever goes as planned, even when it's in the blueprints.
just because i can't see you doesn't mean that i steal your stare. and i'm trying so desperately to return it, because i don't want it as much as you think anymore.

fall out of love with me, i'm begging you.

now why would you do something like that?

in saying that you love me, i only feel like pushing you away even more. please don't hate me for what i'm becoming, because you made me this way. i feel like a million and one pieces of my heart are falling apart again, and it's probably all your fault. you make my insides turn to a bomb and they explode inside of me, making me wish that you had never come along and made me this way.
i'm only trying to push you away to see how many times you come back. and if you keep this up, i'll get bored pretty soon.
we had something before, but we had to go and ruin it. maybe we were better off not trying to rebuild and just trying to move past it. because honestly, what did you expect from me?

she wishes he would save her
she needs her savior to rescue her again
her broken angel who hollowed out her insides
so she needs something to fill her up
because feeling pain is so much easier than feeling nothing
and she just doesn't know how to feel anymore

from my head to this page, the words just won't stop spilling
the dam holding my fingers back has broken, and i just can't stop the flow of these thoughts
they're jumbling together and i don't make sense again
but what else is new?


from this place to the ends of the earth
i still think you'd follow me anywhere
but i really don't want to test my theory
sometimes when i think i'm sick of you, i'm really not
but maybe this time i really am
because you make me feel so different than anything i've ever felt before, and it scares me to think about you.
i'm so confused and so numb, and i want to jump in the pool of my tears and make myself a snowman from all the frost that i'm hitting you with
don't you get it? i can't help but be nasty to only you. maybe you should just take a hint and a number and move on.

you think i'm afraid of committment, but honestly, i'm more afraid that he won't give a damn even if i'm with someone else. so what's the point in trying anymore if he won't notice me?
i think he still has my heart, and that's why i can't give it to you.
sometimes i wish we were all a little more perfect. but we're all little monsters who wreck each other's feelings and sanity.
he ruined my chance at ever being myself again, and that's why i'm so broken, i'm so afraid of letting you take my heart.
the bullet i just sent into your heart was for your own good, so please just leave it at that. i don't like shooting you down, but i just can't be who you think i am.
is it wrong of me to only want you to help me get over him when everyone thinks that i've forgotten all about him by now?

if you can't handle the disappointment, why did you ever think that falling for me was a good idea? don't you know by now that all I do is disappoint the only people who matter?

well hello there

i caught you.

maybe you've got the cure to growing older, but you haven't given it to me yet, and you know that i'm dying to find it.

maybe i'm just not cut out to do this.


i'm back and worse than ever. i'm so cliche, but in all the right ways. and you know that you can't resist it.