"i'm only happy when it rains."

the rain beats down on me and (f)lies into my eyes. it's cold and i thought it might help me to push you away, but you just keep coming back like a punching bag with a grudge.
let the rain bully me like you have all week.
do you really think that this is making me love you again?
i've been reading too much and taking it to literally.
i've been hiding out under my hood and behind my mask of apathy to see who actually cracks the code first. i'm only hiding to see who'll come to seek. and you haven't proven that you can actually see into me yet, so what makes you think you're so special.
i blue away the rain and hoped it would fall around me, that i could be out of the mis(t)ery for once. but nothing ever goes as planned, even when it's in the blueprints.
just because i can't see you doesn't mean that i steal your stare. and i'm trying so desperately to return it, because i don't want it as much as you think anymore.

fall out of love with me, i'm begging you.

now why would you do something like that?

in saying that you love me, i only feel like pushing you away even more. please don't hate me for what i'm becoming, because you made me this way. i feel like a million and one pieces of my heart are falling apart again, and it's probably all your fault. you make my insides turn to a bomb and they explode inside of me, making me wish that you had never come along and made me this way.
i'm only trying to push you away to see how many times you come back. and if you keep this up, i'll get bored pretty soon.
we had something before, but we had to go and ruin it. maybe we were better off not trying to rebuild and just trying to move past it. because honestly, what did you expect from me?

she wishes he would save her
she needs her savior to rescue her again
her broken angel who hollowed out her insides
so she needs something to fill her up
because feeling pain is so much easier than feeling nothing
and she just doesn't know how to feel anymore

from my head to this page, the words just won't stop spilling
the dam holding my fingers back has broken, and i just can't stop the flow of these thoughts
they're jumbling together and i don't make sense again
but what else is new?


from this place to the ends of the earth
i still think you'd follow me anywhere
but i really don't want to test my theory
sometimes when i think i'm sick of you, i'm really not
but maybe this time i really am
because you make me feel so different than anything i've ever felt before, and it scares me to think about you.
i'm so confused and so numb, and i want to jump in the pool of my tears and make myself a snowman from all the frost that i'm hitting you with
don't you get it? i can't help but be nasty to only you. maybe you should just take a hint and a number and move on.

you think i'm afraid of committment, but honestly, i'm more afraid that he won't give a damn even if i'm with someone else. so what's the point in trying anymore if he won't notice me?
i think he still has my heart, and that's why i can't give it to you.
sometimes i wish we were all a little more perfect. but we're all little monsters who wreck each other's feelings and sanity.
he ruined my chance at ever being myself again, and that's why i'm so broken, i'm so afraid of letting you take my heart.
the bullet i just sent into your heart was for your own good, so please just leave it at that. i don't like shooting you down, but i just can't be who you think i am.
is it wrong of me to only want you to help me get over him when everyone thinks that i've forgotten all about him by now?

if you can't handle the disappointment, why did you ever think that falling for me was a good idea? don't you know by now that all I do is disappoint the only people who matter?

well hello there

i caught you.

maybe you've got the cure to growing older, but you haven't given it to me yet, and you know that i'm dying to find it.

maybe i'm just not cut out to do this.


i'm back and worse than ever. i'm so cliche, but in all the right ways. and you know that you can't resist it.