we can chase away these tears/fears

i wanted to trace shapes in the stars with you again, but it was too cloudy to see them.
maybe this is a sign.
"we're written in the stars," except i can't read it.
maybe it's illiteracy. or maybe it's common sense.
who can tell at this point?
i am a giant waste.
of time, money, space.
i'm just waiting for you to figure it out.
don't waste anything on me anymore.
i'm begging you.

"you caught me off guard"

dreams of sixteen
city lights blurred out of the limo windows
driving around town
music up as high as it would go
"bus drivers" and water in champagne glasses
the longest laughs
the strangest surprises
pull an all nighter for the rest of my days
staying up and falling asleep with my friends close by
all that i need for forever is you by my side
waste another night pretending this is how it'll be for the rest of our days
kings and queens in our own respects
we own this city. we owe this city.

the video game of my life
pretending the night away
stay close and strong
"no entry" to the darkest recesses of my soul
just keep on believing the lies, believing that i'll be okay, that we'll always be together.
always (not so) fashionably late.
just a little behind the curve
dying to catch up
"i came last in the human race" never described me better than it does right now

i wish i didn't have this question mark for a heart.

just too excited to sit still

we're all going to hell. it all just depends on how fast.

immoral and immortal are just a letter off.
sometimes i try to forget that.

when have i ever been good enough to deserve anything but what i've got?

i never thought i'd have to justify myself to someone i loathe.
just you wait
with all your put-downs and injustices
just you wait
i will show you all up
i will be stronger and better than you ever imagined
i will do what i want to do
i will be the one that you want to be
and i will never, ever look back and say "oh yeah i know you."
i will say "fuck you." and walk away
because that's all that you deserve.
all i've ever been told was:
"sit down, shut up, do what you're told."
or "just flash a smile in their direction, kiss their ass just a little bit more."
well fuck that,
even though it may have gotten people places before
but i just can't take that lifestyle anymore.
fuck you.
in the end i will come out on top.
unless high school really is a microcosm of the world
then we're all fucked for sure.

"i forget so much of what i write its beginning to scare me"
i remember so much of what i write that it's beginning to scare me.

you think you have it so hard, just look at the world around you.
tell me that there isn't something wrong
that there isn't something missing.
because i feel it
every.
fucking.
day.
and i don't see how you can pretend that this is alright.
it's people like you that make this world work
so you tell me if that's a good thing or not.

there is an ache inside of me
i want this to be okay again
i want us to be okay again.
i want to take you by the hand and tell you that i can make this last forever.
but honestly, who am i kidding?
i don't know how you feel.
i don't know you as well as i'd like.
i don't even know if i'm going to make it to tomorrow without wanting to leave this town for good.
but i so desperately want something concrete
something real
something that i can call my own
and maybe, just maybe, you can be that something.
but i have a feeling you won't.

"stop hiding inside the horrible weather."
well i would, but this just seems so much more fun than anything else
i sleep in the rain
i live for the cold fronts
i am the wind whipping your hair at your face
screaming in your ears
i am the fucking weather channel
and i am never predicting that it will be sunny and 75
because that's just how i roll, baby
swing with the punches.
or the wind that i send your way
whatever suits the occasion better.

i am so sick of this life
can i please get an exchange somewhere?

can't live with you
can't live without you.
why can't i just make up my fucking mind?

this heart is just barely beating.
someone put it out of its misery.

"so when you say forever can't you see? you've already captured me."

when this life starts to fall apart, i hope that you can help me put it back together.
i hope that we can find the time to be something.
because when it gets bumpy, i want to be the one telling you everything will work out.
i want to be there, holding your hand through it all.
i want to be the one who hugs you when you are crying.
and i want you to be able to hug me back.
i'm so afraid of running out of time,
so afraid that you won't be mine
too afraid to look ahead
and too ashamed to look behind.
i need to live in the present more.
i'm so afraid that i'm falling in love with you.
but i think i'm more afraid that you aren't in love with me.
don't you get it? everything i ever do is because i want to try to control my feelings.
and i should learn that it will never happen.
i just don't want to feel alone anymore.