breathing on a schedule
have to ration this air
savoring each breath like it's my last
only living when it's convenient.
only want to be around others so i can pretend i'm okay.
only want to be alone because i can't pretend anymore.
i live for pretending.
always screaming on the inside
out of terror, frustration, anger, sadness, happiness, whatever.
i am a constant scream.
i want to go to the top of a hill and just let it all out
life rushes around me and i am stuck in this feeling of helplessness.
too caught up in everything else to care about my life.
pressing pause for important parts of life to figure out what might be happening.
always so afraid.
and i wish that you would genuinely care about me for once.
is it so selfish for me to want someone to help me figure myself out?
whatever. i'm done preaching to you if you won't listen.
and you haven't listened so far, so i'm giving up hope.
cry into the pillows and pretend that they care
because we all know that no one else does
try to forget what's going on in my life
and pretend i'm running away.
always trying to escape from myself
afraid that if i stop running, i'll have to figure myself out.
we wouldn't want that, now would we?
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